One thing that I notice across all my clients for my coaching service is that people are amazing at showing up for a meeting. It’s easy to show up on time at the doctor. It’s easy to show up on time to work or a skype meeting. And you’d never want to cancel an important coffee date.
We are trained from a super young age to understand that people’s time matter and that when someone expects you to be there, you better show up, or have a very good excuse.
Accountability towards others is a common rule. Yet, why is it so hard to show up for ourselves?
Whether we talk about self-care or going after your dreams, anything that is for ourselves and not on someone else’s agenda becomes deprioritized. We easily shift other priorities around and give up our time for things that seem more important.
When will we learn that we are as important to show up for? If Oprah was calling you to the stage, would you snooze? Would you be late?
Worse, would you reschedule her and hope she can find time again?
Sounds silly, doesn’t it?
Well, darling, I want you to start showing up for yourself. Value your time, your dreams and your goals as much as you would value being invited on the Oprah show (or your equivalent, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity you would not give up even if you were super sick!)
But how do you rewire your automatic reaction to put yourself last?
1. Understand your worth
Be both your best employee and your best employer. Understand that you are at the same level of importance as your colleague, boss, friends and family member. Start expecting from yourself what others would expect from you and be rigid when comes the time to showing up for yourself.
Think about one person with whom you always show up for their meeting. Make a list of all the reasons you respect them enough to be there when they ask you to be. Use this as a start for inspiration to understand what you value and what makes you show up consistently.
Then, do a similar exercise where you make a list of all the reasons why you respect yourself and make sure it has as much value as the first list.
You deserve to show up for yourself as much as you do for others.
2. Repeat it over and over and over
If there is one mantra I want you to repeat this week is this one:
I deserve to show up for myself consistently with love and kindness.
Every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and tell it to yourself with passion. Look into your eyes, smile, and start repeating this mantra until you feel ready for anything.
Replacing a mind pattern is a work of art. If you are habituated to fail at showing up for yourself and always be okay cancelling on yourself, it will take time to rebuild a new pattern, but practice makes perfect!
3. Recognize the patterns
Make a list of all the times you remember cancelling on yourself or changing plans last minute to accommodate someone else over yourself.
Feeling like it never happens? Let me give you some ideas to get started:
- Making a plan to go to the gym, but cancelling it because a friend invites you over
- Planning a full self-care evening, but when someone asks you if you had a plan you say ‘’nothing important’’ and shrug it off
- Deciding to start playing the piano, but never committing on a specific schedule and stop showing up
- Having big dreams, but never get started because you feel like you are not ready yet
Does it ring a bell? Yes, this is all times when you’ve felt your needs were not important enough. And it’s time to make a change.
Make a long exhaustive list and realize how often you might have prioritized anything else over yourself. Afterwards, write a big forgiveness statement where you forgive yourself for not showing up, let it go and welcome a new way to do things.
4. Take action
For the next week, block out 10 minutes in your schedule each day as an ’Appointment with Myself.’ Place it in a point where it is realistic for you to show up every day, that you can actually respect. Usually right after waking up or right before bed are good times. And every day, just show up for that meeting and do anything you feel like in that specific moment.
You might catch yourself finding it hard and wondering what happens if something better comes up. Well, darling, nothing is better than yourself!
The idea is to constantly show up for yourself and learn to trust your word again. It is not yet about taking tangible actions, but simply enjoying the process of showing up for yourself, regardless of what you will choose to do. Meditate, dream, cook or dance! It’s your time!
If you’re ready to get started, join me on my podcast as I walk you through the process.
And remember: you deserve it.